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"[Sigh], I
just want to find a deep and meaningful relationship!"
– Some guy complaining to Ms. Ashli
about his love life. Ashli's, as usual, dead on response:
"Get real honey, if they go deep
enough, it’ll be meaningful!!"
"It
doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you go
home for supper!"
– Your editor Common Veranda trying to justify
staring at some hot guy to my boyfriend Rich. His response
proving he knows me way too well: "Maybe,
but I better not catch you between meal snacking!"
"Two
pump chump"
– A bitter Ashli's all too
apt
description of a trick who, to put it delicately, "came" and
went too soon!
"There’s
three drugs I just don’t do, crystal, crack and heroin.
– Some obviously tweaked out boy's
claim to Bruce. Bruce's telling and insightful response:
You mean at the same time, right?"
"The Other
Straight Meat"
– Nathan describing “straight" guys who like to get F_ _
ked by gay men!
"Please, if the
bags under her eyes get any bigger, she'll need a bellhop to
carry them!"
– Ashli describing one of her "sisters" who was looking a little
haggard the next morning!
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"Honey,
the only thing you two can do for that boy is help him with his
homework and change his diaper." –
Ashli assessment of what Rich and yours truly, Common Veranda, could possibly be thinking
when cruising this guy who was "slightly" [20-30 years tops]
younger than ourselves. "It’s
supposed to be a belt not a no pest strip!"
– Ms. Ashli's fashion
commentary on a somewhat "unique" orange belt Gaetano wore
with decorative blue crabs on it!
"You
can’t really be family till you’ve given birth to some of our
children."
– Nurse Ratchet trying to talk a
wanna-be Roosterfish regular into sleeping with him.
"If he’s
nellier than me, he’d have to be able to give birth.
– Ashli's rather effective
counter argument to someone's claim that they knew someone
even more fem than her!
"Nathan,
just has such a great personality."
– Your very own Common Veranda praise of hot,
hunky, Bartender Nathan. Timothy's more to the point
response:
"Look at her, she doesn’t need a personality!"
"He cast
her off like last year’s Barbie!" – Ashli' describing the
rather "unceremonious" way one of our friend’s was dumped.
"The
last Mosquito that bit me had to spend six months at Betty
Ford!"
–
Anonymous Roosterfish patron who definitely knew how to drink
with the big "gurls!"
"Sidewalk
Sale"
–
Cruising hot guys loitering outside the bar after last call.
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"Get real
baby, you know that boy rode you like a Clydesdale!" – Ashli's retort to an
obvious bottom boys claim that the equally obvious top he went
home with last night was really the bottom!
"You bitches
could take the “rey” out of “country” ["cunt" – rey]!"
–
Jason's, a.k.a.
Opie's, rather irate, down home response to some annoying bar
queens.
"I
bet she has a beautiful singing voice."
– Nathan describing some hot bar patron's voice. Ashli's
razor sharp response:
"Only if you manage to hit her
g-spot!"
"Baby,
that thing was pillow biting' size!" – Ashli, kissing and telling,
about the "endowment" of the guy she went home with the night
before.
"Isn’t
it just cruel that the word 'lisp' has an 's' in it?"
– Wit and wisdom from Timothy, i.e., Mr. buy me four
Rupplemint's and I'll dance naked.
“Ouch, my
lips are burning."
– Ric Onteveros after a
particularly strong shot. Response from Ashli:
“Tell him not to pump so fast!"
"I'm
pretty enough for both of us!"
– Overheard
hustler boy's philosophy on dating wealthy unattractive men.
"We're
not married, we're just accountable!" – Common and Rich on their
"special" relationship.
"For that
kind of money, it had better F_ _ k me AND clean my
Toilet!" – Ms. Ashli
flabbergast
response to some label queen's saying they had just spent over
$1,000 for a sweater.
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Venice, CA
90291 
